Personal Update...

As most of you can imagine, particularly from reading these postings, I have been having an amazing trip. I have seen and experienced more than I could have dreamed of from my bed back in California. It truly has been a trip of a lifetime - in more ways than I had expected.

I have dreamt of traveling and volunteering in Africa for as long as I can remember and as such I thought I would fall in love with the continent as soon as my feet touched the soil. Other than a fleeting moment in Rwanda, I haven' felt that. Don't get me wrong, Africa is incredible and the people are some of the most beautiful I have ever met. I just didn't feel the way I thought I would.

Originally, I thought of this trip as more of a career move - wanting to transition into a career with an international aid slant. This vision has been drastically changed after having experienced so much in the past two months. I have been completely disenchanted with large aid organizations here in addition to the overwhelming pervasiveness of fundamentalist religion. Charity and foreign office compounds sound more like the fraternity and sorority system (with all the drinking and drama that goes with it) than aid institutions. Westerners usually don't integrate into the local culture and the workers from some of the largest organizations are actually loathed by locals.

The religious institutions here are many and their messages are relatively similar, extremely conservative and absolutely damaging to society here. It is unfathomable to me how "missionaries" can come here, see the poverty, the difficulties of basic life here and still preach what they do - "abstinence only" in a society, like the rest of the world, where sex is natural and going to happen regardless of how many times you tell a person its a sin. They also say no contraception when you are married. Women here have a child clinging to their skirt, one stuck to their back and another growing in her belly. The men, generally, have very little, if nothing at all, to do with raising the children. The women therefore must take care of the babies themselves not to mention their husbands. It is not only socially irresponsible but economically devastating. These families have barely enough to feed husband and wife, let alone 5-8 kids! We're talking food. You can forget about educating these children and providing them with an even remotely viable future. This isn't good for the children, the families, the villages and the countries of Africa. The ignorance the religious right are pushing here is criminal. The sheer number and sheer blindness of these people is overwhelming and I feel for the first time in my life where my abilities are concerned, defeated. The religious groups are like ants here, thousands of them marching along their little ant trail unwilling or unable to see the harsh reality that is all around them. What can I do as one little person against this mass of self-righteous blind ignorance?

In addition to all of this, I thought that this trip was something I wanted, and needed, to do myself. What I've felt over the last couple of months, however, has been quite different. I can see being able to stay here long-term if I settled down with my own place, my own kitchen and some basic comforts. Thing thing is though, I don't want to settle down into a life without Richard. Its the first time in my life that I have felt this way and, to be honest, have been finding it confusing, to say the least. Poor Dona has been listening to me sort through everything for about the last five countries! She's definitely earned her friendship badge of honor! Seriously though, I guess this trip has made me realize what is important to me. And although I haven't yet discovered what I want for my life, I am checking of the list things that I don't.

To settle down anywhere would require earning a living and as a British citizen, USA resident I am limited to where and how I earn money. I need to become an American citizen if I am to seriously consider working in another country.

So, with all the above in consideration, I have decided, and booked flights, home in mid-November. I don't have any definite plans (of course!) but am going to apply for my citizenship and hopefully get an interesting job. I still hope that my time and experience here leads to a job in the international realm but I suppose that is for the universe to decide. :)

I am currently in Moshi and going to visit the different projects tomorrow. I'm really excited about being in one place for awhile and getting to know a place and the people. The hostel is great and the people seem really cool. I'm off to dinner now but will keep you updated on my progress.